The Lost Art of Giving a F*ck

When I was growing up I remember internalizing a lot of ideas on what it meant to be a “man”. Men were tough, they were silent, they were strong, they didn’t talk about their feelings, and they damn sure didn’t cry. I remember feeling guilty when I would cry. I wasn’t being tough enough. You gotta have tough skin to be a guy. You have to be able to dish out the insults and take them too. If you were different, you were a prime candidate to get picked on. If you were sensitive, it was a sign of weakness. If you didn’t like sports, you were weird. These internalized ideas formulated inside of me even though my parents were kind, loving, and nurturing. I learned most of this from outside sources, like school, sports, and running around with the neighborhood kids. We unconsciously learned it from entertainment and media that we consumed. It was a reflection of the tough american man that we were inundated with.

I think a lot of guys growing up when I did (80’s and 90’s kids) fell into this trap. I saw many of my friends and acquaintances acting out this idea of what we thought a tough guy should be. Maybe if you are reading this you can remember a time like this?

Now that I am older, I see this manifestation for males of my generation and past generations as an inability to break through the concept of the tough guy. Emotions such as caring, and expressing love. Skills such as empathy, and fostering community. The inability or unwillingness to express this side of ourselves can manifest in very unhealthy ways. Anger, frustration, forms of violence can all be a side effects of this issue. This can have wide reaching effects on us in the form of broken relationships, feelings of loneliness and disconnect. If you are caught up in these cycles it can be an incredibly hard thing to break through. Being vulnerable is not a comfortable feeling for the quintessential “tough guy”. But it may just be the key to breaking through to living a happier, more fulfilling life.

The lost art of giving a f*ck is simply an eye catching way of bringing awareness to the joy and happiness that opening up, and caring for others can bring. Helping others, communicating with your friends and loved ones, giving back to your community, donating to charity, helping a stranger in need can all add a value to your life that we desperately need. Helping and caring for others without asking for anything in return fills a void in our hearts and souls that many of us forget exists. By consciously working on “giving a f*ck” about those around you, you will find that you experience life in a greater, fuller manner. The universe will give back to you what you put out to it. Spread empathy and love, caring and smiles and you will find it returned to you in unexpected ways.

So take a second, think about what you are doing right now to help others who cannot do anything for you. If you can’t think of anything, that’s ok. It’s time to take the first step. Look for opportunities in everyday life to lend a helping hand to a stranger. Find a charity that speaks to you and you think is doing important work and set up a monthly donation. Do something unexpected and nice for the person you share a home with (don’t expect or ask for anything in return). Do this and you will find yourself happier and healthier in mind, body, and spirit.

Reclaim the lost art of giving a f*ck.